Tengo la Camisa Negra
by Oreithyia
Summary: Everybody, absolutely everybody, knew Kiba and Ino's short-lived relationship was doomed to fail in a spectacular manner. Well, almost everybody. Ladies and Gentlemen, place your bets! Definitely Crack.


Disclaimer: I do not own Naruto, or anything associated with it whatsoever. Alas, and woe.

Tengo la Camisa Negra

Jounin Yamanaka Inoichi was standing outside the Hokage tower in the early dawn light and crisp morning air, finishing off the last of his morning cup of coffee in the bright rays of the rising sun.

Black coffee. Definitely black.

After the mood his one and only daughter had returned home in last night, he needed the caffeine to ward off the migraine headache that threatened again and to stay awake after fleeing the house before she had woken up. He loved his daughter, but Ino was a teenager, a tempestuous one at that, and if the thundercloud in her expression that had appeared when her mother asked her how the date went was any indication, she would still be storming this morning.

Inoichi had told his wife he needed to arrive at the Hokage's offices early to receive the briefing for his next assignment, which was true enough.

The fact that he'd left two hours early was something he somehow neglected to mention to her. Hopefully, she wouldn't compare notes with Shikaku and Chouza's wives any time soon.

Looking up while taken another swig of the bitter brew, he saw Inuzuka Tsume, flanked by her daughter Inuzuka Hana and their pack of nin-dogs, strolling down the mostly empty street which, as usual, was mostly clear this early in the new day. His colleague and occasional associate spotted him easily in the near deserted street and waved at him cheerily before altering course to come his way, her oldest child and nin-dogs trailing after her.

Inoichi gave a polite nod and small smile in return before quickly downing the rest of the coffee. He was going to need it if he was going to face Inuzuka Tsume this early in the day. The tracker and search and rescue expert had the reputation of being the one of the best kunoichi in all of Konoha, remaining a special jounin only because she had sacrificed her career to focus on raising her two children alone. She also had the reputation of being of the most roughshod, boisterous, rambunctious, hard to handle women in the entire village. He had spent enough time near the Hokage tower talking to the Godaime's right-hand woman Shizune to know there was a good reason why the singles bars all cleared out when wild-haired women was back from a mission. It made him grateful he wasn't a bachelor.

"Well, if ain't Yamanaka Inoichi! Been a long time since I've gotten to see your handsome face," the feral looking woman said brightly, and far too loudly for this early in the morning. Inoichi decided he was going to have to go for more coffee.

"Tsume-san, Hana-san, good to see the both of you," he replied with a smile that managed not to look forced. It was true enough; the cool and collected Hana wasn't nearly as loud or intense as her mother and Tsume herself was fine as long as she exercised self-control.

"My boy came home last night in rather bad mood," Tsume subtlety probed, looking for an informative response. She tilted her shaggy-head at Inoichi to see if he'd bite. The young veterinarian sighed softly at her mother and absently scratched behind the ears on the furry head of one of her three large dogs.

"Ino, too," the blond man admitted. "She spoke to her mother rather than me" –_thank you kami_- "so I don't have any details." Tsume looked mildly disappointed, her dark eyes flicking off to the side as her mouth formed a small pout. Inoichi gave a small shrug of his shoulders. So, Kiba wouldn't talk about it either, huh?

"The pup came in tail between his legs," Kuromaru growled, continuing the conversation. The nin-dog gave himself a brief shake before continuing. "He wouldn't answer any questions and immediately retreated to his den."

"He's sulking," Hana interjected. Inoichi smirked internally at the blunt choice of words. Such a sisterly thing to say.

"Seems like it might be a while before we know how things went," he concluded with a lighthearted smile. "Of course, you and I never expected it to go anywhere," he said to the energetic woman, who shook her head to say she didn't think it would last long either. "Ino is too much of a free spirit, and, truth be told a little jealous, and your son has a reputation as a bit of charmer."

Tsume replied with a wide, fanged smile. "Yup, just like his mom!" she declared proudly.

Hana grinned nervously behind her brash mother's back, then looked with mild surprise at the messenger chuunin who landed between the conversing parents.

"Ah, found you two together! Makes my job easy." The young man had a huge smile on his face that puzzled Inoichi as both he and Tsume were handed scrolls with their names inked on the label.

"What's this?" he asked the messenger as Tsume held the scroll so Hana could look over her mother's shoulder at the newly arrived acquisition.

"Oh, just a little bill," the young man answered, his voice over-flowing with barely suppressed laughter. "And tell your kids thanks for the show last night!" he finished before leaping away.

Inoichi and Tsume exchanged a glance. What did that mean?

The jounin was about to open the scroll when Yuuhi Kurenai approached the door of the Tower, about to enter the imposing edifice to begin her day.

"Good morning," the genjutsu mistress greeted all present politely as Tsume began to tear open her message scroll. "I see you received the repair bill already."

Several stories up, the startling dual screeches of "HOW MUCH?!" caused a snoozing Tsunade to knock over her sake.

******

Inuzuka Kiba grinned to himself as he sat in the window booth at the expensive restaurant where he and Ino had agreed to meet. She was high maintenance without a doubt, this joint was ritzy, but if he was careful it would be worth it.

This would mark their three-week anniversary and he had until father wanted her home at ten (he wasn't crossing a jounin like Inoichi, no way) to get what he was after this evening. Ino would be in a romantic mood, and maybe he could finally get that kiss he wanted. She had coyly ducked his first kiss on their first date, and during his next try after their second date she was annoyed at him for some reason.

Third try's a charm.

"Kiba-kun," Ino's coquettish coo floated to him. The dark haired young man turned to face the curvaceous, blue-eyed blonde with a wide, wolfish grin.

"Hey there, baby," he rumbled.

The typically brash young man waited for his girlfriend to sit on the cushy bench at the booth, but she just continued standing with her weight on one leg, hand on her hip looking at him expectantly.

"Well?" She pressed. "How do I look?"

He blinked. "You look fine." It was the honest truth.

Her perfectly groomed eyebrows lowered dangerously over glinting blue eyes. Wrong answer.

"Great! I mean you look great!" he blurted out desperately, clearly clueless. Ino's expression softened, but not completely.

"The dress! I bought a new dress," she said, sounding exasperated, as she gestured to the blue silk, floor length, Chinese style dress she had bought for the evening.

Kiba's mental gears clunked, and he realized he was supposed to complement the testy young woman. He thought fast.

"Ah, it's very pretty on you," he drawled, flashing his most charming smile to try and save his butt. That seemed to work. Ino smiled back at him and settled down at the highly polished table opposite him, flipping her long ponytail over her shoulder as she did so.

They picked up their menus and began to glance over the offerings. The waiter showed up their table promptly to take their orders.

"Ladies first," Kiba said with a lop-sided grin, making sure to keep the charm on full blast until he was sure he was in the clear.

Ino turned her head into her silk-clad shoulder and closed her eyes in a pretend show of bashfulness, giggling flirtatiously before looking to the waiter.

"I'll have a Spring Harvest Salad with light dressing and…" she pretended to think it over, "umeshu rokku in a martini glass."

Kiba smiled. Being allowed to drink when they would otherwise have been considered underage since they were both only fifteen years old was one of the benefits of being a chuunin.

"I'll have large steak, rare, and the house beer," he told the waiter, who took the menus and bowed, then left to disappear among the posh décor.

"So, Kiba, tell me about your day," Ino purred. She braced her arms on the table, laced her fingers together, and then settled her chin on those fingers while leaning on her elbows.

"Well, I've taken a break from missions to spend more time training in my family's jutsu," he started. Ino nodded once, showing she was listening. "Akamaru and I been trying to improve the power of the Gatsuga by learning to spin more rapidly, but it's really hard to increase rotational velocity with getting nauseous and puking."

_Oops_. Kiba mentally kicked himself as he watched Ino's expression change from coy to mildly disgusted as her nose wrinkled.

"Sorry, that was classless," he said in an attempt to recover, rubbing the back of his neck in embarrassment for added effect. "I should never say such things around a classy lady like you." Ino smiled prettily again and tilted her blonde head graciously to let him know he was forgiven.

_Nice save, man, _he secretly congratulated himself.

"I've been spending too much time with my family." He laughed nervously and Ino giggled in response. "That's the kind of thing I would say to my sister," he finished as the waiter returned with the drinks and a basket of bread.

Ino's blue eyes blinked once and the blonde bombshell pulled herself upright, her lipstick lined mouth hanging up in incredulity.

"Are you saying that I remind you of your sister?" she asked, the sweetness in her voice overlying something dangerous.

"No!" he said quickly, realizing his mistake. Why was she so touchy this evening? It was like walking on eggshells here! "You're way hotter than my sister!" _Gah_! "No! I mean-"

"Look, just stop," Ino said, waving a delicate hand dismissively and taking a sip of her drink with her eyes closed.

Kiba sputtered into lame silence and wanted to bang his head against the hard mahogany table. Repeatedly. His mind revisited what he just said and he felt a small amount of his lunch come back up.

He mentally tried to regroup as Ino nabbed a loaf of the expensive-looking bread out of the basket and began tearing off pieces to shove into her mouth. The spying expert-in-training wasn't even stopping to butter the chunks of bread, Kiba noted. Was she that mad at him? He'd never get a kiss at this rate. He thought back to when they placed their orders. Maybe she was just on a diet? He wracked his brain to think of a complement. He noted her fingernails were shinier than normal.

"Your manicure looks really nice," he said, then he wondered if that sounded as lame as it seemed. "It really complements your hands."

Ino paused, refraining from starting to shred her second loaf, and smiled genuinely at him with bright white teeth. Mentally, he breathed a sigh of relief.

"You think so?" she said playfully, fanning her fingers so she could regard them with exaggerated care. She waggled her fingers to make the polish on the carefully filed nails shine in the lights of the restaurant. She ran one of her hands through the platinum strands of her ponytail before making eye contact with him again. She had a blue flower on the elastic, he noticed, as she shimmed her head a little to the thick mass shimmer. He better remember that in case he needed to butter her up later to get that kiss later.

He smiled back at her confidently, pretending to absently play with sleeve of his leather jacket to call her attention to it. The flirtatious blonde had once off-handedly mentioned she thought the jacket was 'hot'. His black eyes recovered their spark of confidence as he finally reached over to grab his beer and take a drink as Ino daintily ate some more of the fluffy bread. After the drink he grabbed a loaf of his own and began to snack on it, then realized that something about Ino's body language wasn't at ease. She was eating a little too fast, she was nearly on her third loaf, and she seemed anxious.

"Ino?" he dared.

The blonde squealed with delight and dropped the bread onto the table. She leaned forward excitedly in anticipation of something, completely throwing Kiba off guard. She grinned brightly at him.

"Well, where is it?" she jabbered excitedly. "What'd you get me?"

The dark-haired chuunin blinked in surprise.

"Get you?" he echoed without thinking.

"Yes yes!" she confirmed excitedly, waving her hands towards herself in a 'gimme' gesture. "What did you get me? I've been waiting all evening," she giggled, practically bouncing in her seat in excitement. "Don't keep me in suspense!"

For the second time that evening, Kiba felt the gears of his brain totally seize up.

"Was I supposed to get you something?" he asked, clueless. Was the third week anniversary really that important?

"Kiba!" Ino whined, clearly displeased. "My birthday!"

"Oh." He paused. Didn't he get her something last week? "When is your birthday again?"

Ino growled slightly, her eyebrows knit together in a show of annoyance. "Last Friday!"

Now Kiba made an expression of annoyance. He got her something for that on their date the following day!

"But I bought you flowers for that!"

Ino scoffed and looked at him like he was an idiot. Kiba felt his hackles rise as she drew a breath to speak.

"Flowers you bought at half-price using your discount at my families own flower shop do not count!" she declared, indignant. "I thought you understood that!"

"How?" he asked perplexed, as she snatched more bread out of the basket and tore a chunk straight out of the loaf with her teeth. She chewed, swallowed noisily, and pinned her boyfriend with an angry glare.

"When I refused to kiss you!" she snorted derisively. "Idiot!"

Kiba felt a burgeoning surge anger make him snarl. He returned her angry glare right back. How was he supposed to know these things? Was he psychic? This chick… That was it; no kiss was worth this aggravation! It wasn't worth the money either considering how much this fancy restaurant she insisted on cost!

Ino, nose impertinently in the air, took another bite of the bread and huffed, totally unfazed by his show of anger. Man, that was a lot of bread she was eating.

"You sure you want to eat that much bread?" he asked sullenly, eyes closed in annoyance at her behavior. If she was on a diet, she was definitely ruining it. It was a good thing this place didn't charge them for all that bread.

Ino froze, as did the air around her. The curvy girl turned slowly to aim a baleful eye at her counterpart.

"Excuse me?" she asked, and Kiba, too angry to care, totally missed the warning in her voice.

"If you're on a diet, you shouldn't eat that much bread. You'll never loose weight," he elaborated, sipping his beer with closed eyes.

"Why you-!" She reached for her martini glass.

"…marvelous Tenten-san! Mastering the sansetsukon in such a short time!"

Kiba opened his eyes at the approach of the booming voice of Rock Lee just in time to see Ino readying to throw the contents of her drink at him.

"This is an accomplishment most worthy of a celebration dinner indeed! Ah, Ino-sa-"

Whatever the taijutsu specialist was about to say was immediately cut off as Ino's entire drink splashed over him when Kiba ducked the alcoholic beverage, plastering his bowl cut to his head and soaking his chuunin vest.

Team Gai, who had been cheerily walking through the restaurant to their table to celebrate their sole female team member's latest achievement, paused and stood in horror as they simultaneously realized something terrible.

Lee's mouth had been wide open.

Gai sucked in his breath, Tenten gasped, and Neji grit his teeth before shouting:

"You stupid woman!"

"Gai-sensei! I shall prove to you that I can be as marvelous as Tenten-san!"

"Lee-kun! No!"

A posh booth from the restaurant shattered the window it had been near when the taijutsu expert hurled it out the picture window. The sparkling glass shards glittered in the air as the momentum threw them as far as the other side of the street to near where five figures could be seen crouching behind a dumpster in the nearby alley.

"Call time," Sakura whispered to Shino, who was crouched next to her. The bug user looked at the wristwatch normally concealed under his coat sleeve.

"It is 8:54 PM," he answered, looking from the smirking Sakura, to the gently smiling Hinata, to a quietly chuckling Choji, and finally over to the dour faced Shikamaru. Sakura laughed.

"Heh. Not even you can be right all the time, Shikamaru," the medic-nin bragged, green-eyes sparkling with mirth. "We told you," she said, looking to Shino and Hinata who nodded in confirmation. Choji smiled, munching quietly on the contents of a bag of wasabi peas.

"She's got you there, Shikamaru," he jibbed good-naturedly, as a coat rack went clattering into the street, along with a cry of: "No, Lee! Not the women's toilet!"

"Told you they wouldn't last the night, the night agreed to be until 10:00 PM when Ino's dad wants her home," Sakura declared triumphantly. She held out a gloved hand. "One missions pay, hand it over Nara."

"You weren't even close," the deep-voiced Shino observed wryly as the spiky haired strategist sourly dug his wallet out to get the money. He handed the crumpled wad of bills over with a grimace, as if in physical pain. The pale-eyed Hinata considerately hid her giggle behind her hand.

"Tch." Shikamaru rolled his shoulders before saying, "Let's get out of here, Choji."

Both male members of Team 10 strolled off as Sakura made no pains to hide that she was meticulously counting her pay off. Choji continued to munch happily while Shikamaru slouched along beside his best friend.

"Troublesome."

* * *

AN: This is a one-shot companion piece to a longer story I have been contemplating about what occurred in Konoha during the time skip. The title of the story is taken from the song Tengo la Camisa Negra by Juanes (which I in no way own). It is by far my favorite song about break ups. I like it so much I decided to build a story around the idea of a break up that went as badly as possible.

Translations:

Kami- term for the many major and minor Japanese deities

Umeshu- sweet and sour Japanese liquor made from the Asian plum

Rokku- on the rocks, that is, with ice

Sansetsukon- a Chinese three section staff with chain or rope between the sections

Review if you liked it!


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